In a time of constant change, and constant decision-making pressure, more and more leaders are recognizing that success also has its quiet, lonely side. In a conversation with Beata Drzazga, we talk about the emotional burden of leadership, what responsibility looks like without being seen on the outside, and how to take care of yourself without losing sight of others. This is a candid voice about what happens at the top.

Many successful people admit that success isolates. Have you also experienced that silence at the top – the moments when, despite the people around you, you are left with the most important decisions all alone?

Yes, I have experienced this many times. From the outside it may seem that when a company grows and a team, partners, advisors gather around the leader, there can be no loneliness. But the opposite is true, the greater the responsibility, the greater the loneliness. At a certain point, it’s no longer a question of whether someone is physically next to you, but whether anyone really understands the burden of the decisions that need to be made, with no recourse to the authority of “higher up.” Because there is no one higher.

A leader is very often left alone with decisions whose effects can last for years and affect hundreds of people. Some of them are emotionally or strategically difficult – and even if different opinions can be heard, in the end everything always depends on one person. This responsibility can be overwhelming.

This “silence at the top”, as you called it, is not always a bad thing. It is sometimes necessary, cleansing, allows you to find the inner source of the decision. But if it lasts too long, it can become a burden. That’s why it’s so important for a leader to have someone to talk to really honestly. This can be a mentor, a life partner , a friend.

Leaders often don’t show fatigue so as not to undermine their authority. What is it like to pretend that everything is fine, even though inside you feel pressure or doubt?

In the popular perception, a leader is someone who does not lose control of a situation, who, regardless of the circumstances, maintains calmness, confidence and direction. But real leadership is not about playing the game of appearances – pretending that everything is under control when it is not. On the contrary, a leader’s strength is revealed precisely in his ability to admit to fatigue, to uncertainty, to moments of inner turmoil – and at the same time not let these emotions carry him away.

A leader who says “I don’t know” or “I need your opinions” doesn’t lose authority – he gains it. Authenticity does not mean lack of self-control. It means agreeing that being a leader does not make us less human. Emotions are – but they don’t rule. Doubts are there – but they don’t paralyze. The team does not expect the leader to be an indestructible machine. It expects him to be someone who, even in a moment of crisis, can make a decision – not because he knows everything, but because he can listen, analyze and take responsibility.

That’s why brainstorming with directors, difficult team discussions, and joint search for solutions are not a sign of weakness, but evidence of maturity. The final decision belongs to the leader anyway – and he bears the responsibility for it. But the path to that decision can be shared. This is what makes it possible to build trust, not by pretending that there are no problems, but by having the courage to talk about them openly and at the same time not give in to them.

How do you find space for your own needs when there are so many expectations around, projects, people asking you to make decisions or participate in various projects?

When you manage a company, work with teams on several continents, represent various initiatives and engage in social activities at the same time, the boundaries between “work” and “life” start to blur. And then it’s really easy to forget about yourself. The space for one’s own needs must not so much be “found” as won – consciously, consistently and with courage.

For a long time I myself had it in me to believe that availability is an expression of responsibility. That a leader should be ready to pick up the phone at any time, answer any problem, show up wherever someone expects. Over time, I realized that this is an illusion that leads to burnout and losing touch with what is really important. You can’t run a company well if you don’t have a “life-balance” yourself, at least every now and then. Today I know that saying no is not selfishness, but part of a strategy. I’m learning to set boundaries – including to myself – and to respect the time I set aside for recuperation, silence and breathing.

This space needs to be built as consciously as you build the structure of your company. Plan it, protect it and take it seriously. It could be a walk without a phone, an hour a day for something that has nothing to do with results, projects or a calendar. Seemingly simple things – but they are reminders that before we are leaders, we are human beings. And that taking care of ourselves does not weaken our position – on the contrary, it strengthens it.

When working with international teams, where cultural differences can separate people more than language, does a leader’s loneliness take a different shape?”

Yes, definitely. The loneliness of a leader in an international environment is sometimes more complex and, paradoxically, even deeper, because it comes with a layer of invisible differences: cultural, mental, organizational. Even if everyone speaks the same language of business, the way of thinking, decision-making, expression of emotions or expectations of a leader can differ dramatically.

In the United States, a leader is expected to be quick, clear, and ready to act here and now. In contrast, in Europe, especially Central Europe, relationships and nuance still play a huge role. In Asia, on the other hand, harmony, hierarchy and indirect communication are often a priority. This means that a global leader has to balance different ways of thinking all the time – and often can’t fully show what he’s up against, because he may be considered too direct on one side and unconcrete on the other. This is loneliness of a different kind: not emotional, but structural.

What would you advise young leaders today who are full of ambition, but don’t yet know that as the company grows, so does the emotional loneliness and mental strain?

That there is no need to pretend to be tougher than you are. The strength is not in never doubting, but in being able to stop, admit to doubts, understand what is happening to us – and go on despite everything. A leader who knows himself is able to carry much more than one who only builds an image. Because true leadership begins with authenticity.

Source: biznews.com.pl